For The Wanderers

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No one is going to understand the journey I’m on, the path I’m taking.  Sometimes I don’t even understand it.  But I guess that’s what life does to you.  Experiences, people, time, and life affect your every waking moment.  You look around and you think and feel and taste it.  A need for change.  An ache in your soul to do something different, to get out of your head, to be bold and free.  No one can tell you how to be.  No one can tell you what’s right or wrong.  Only you can know the difference.  Only you can experience what you’re going through and what you’re feeling.  It’s hard to face people and explain yourself but you shouldn’t have to.  You shouldn’t have to explain your desires, your passions, your confusions, your emotions, your whys or reasons.  Who the fuck cares.  We live in a world where bills and practicality are the norm, the expected.  We must be practical, we must, we must.  Life is a gift, a gift that may be taken away at any moment.  So why not take the chances we want to take.  Why not do everything we want to do.  When people ask me why would you leave a place you dreamed about moving to, why would you leave a dream you planned on having here.  I say to them why not?  For my entire life I’ve had “the dream” but I never understood why I didn’t fight for it, why I didn’t do the work.  I read an article recently that talked about wanting the dream as an end result, but not enduring the struggle it requires to get there.  Maybe right now I just want to live and experience life rather then just hanging on to a dream and the struggle it requires.  Or maybe just maybe the off beaten path is the right one that will get me to my dream.  Maybe just maybe this urge to leap is inside of me for a reason.  Maybe just maybe my inner calling is finally screaming at me to do something for once, for myself and not for others. Something that I want that people may disagree with.  No one understands why someone wants to start over or go do yoga on a hillside.  But I need to find myself.  Or maybe I just need a break from toxic people, toxic space, toxic living to be at peace again.  To be the little girl again, dancing and singing in her nonna’s garage to an invisible audience.  To be the girl again on a stage with adrenaline pulsing through her veins.  To be the girl again that sacrificed everything to perform in one of her favorite musicals.  I want that passion back, that thrill, that excitement.  And if that means me running away to meditate and be zen then so be it.  This is for all the wanderers out there, for all the creative souls.  Let’s hold our heads high, and be proud of ourselves.  We’re doing it, we’re living, breathing creatures of the night.

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