woman stands on mountain over field under cloudy sky at sunrise
Photo by Victor Freitas on

I feel like I’m behind on life

Behind on the life I should be living
I wake up and I realize I’m not as young as I once was
I wake up and see the years are gone
The house I’m in won’t be mine forever
And now I’m in my thirties wondering what happened to my twenties
I’m sure this cycle continues for years to come
You make choices, some good, some bad
You realize how time moves so fast
And you wonder where did it all go and where is it all going
I feel like I’m behind, yet I know I can catch up
I’m running and running and I’m trying to pick my legs up faster but they feel like lead
Fear, anxiety, panic.  It’s more real now than it ever was before
The older you get the more fear you have
Or is it the other way around
I feel behind, I feel lost
Yet I also feel like I’m finding myself now more than ever
And time, what is time for that matter
What is aging even mean
Do we stop from living entirely because we feel too old to complete a task or reach a goal
Do we give up or do we fight harder than ever
I feel so behind, yet here I am beginning
Here I am taking on each day, living, breathing, growing
Maybe that’s enough
To get up every day and be present
To breathe
To see
To taste
To smell
To take in this intoxicating gorgeous world
Maybe that’s all we need to do
So I may feel behind but I am only moving forward
I’m trying to keep up with this crazy insane life
I keep moving faster and faster to experience it all
And than again, all we ever really have is now
So why not live it as if we were just born
Why not live it as if we had no tomorrow
Why not live as if age was but a number
No matter what society says what we can and can’t do
Just live and do whatever our beating hearts desire
I may feel behind but I also feel reborn
And there’s no stopping me now

2 thoughts on “Behind

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