Why do I fear? Why am I scared? Every morning, well most of my life I’ve woken up with wanting something more. Something honest, something real, something to make my heart soar and my passion kick in. And I’m not talking about wanting it from anyone or from the world for that matter. I’m talking about myself. But how do you open that can of worms. My struggles, my depression, my worries, my fear have been always in my head, created by me, created by past events that I haven’t let go of, created by anxieties and beliefs that just don’t exist. How do you confront that? Or where do you start? I feel a longing to do all these things yet I tell myself I can’t, or I tell myself tomorrow I’ll do it, or I feel a sense of looming disaster coming from this new possible idea I have. But why? Why do I worry so much? I know part of it is this fear of what will people think of me? But why do I suffer on the inside for the sake of other people? I mean do they really give two cents about me? Do I really care for that matter? When you look at the bigger picture, It’s really not the people I fear, it’s myself. So great, now that I’ve discovered that, what’s next? Where do I even begin to just start doing everything I want to do without fear? Or maybe it’s that you just have the fear and do it anyway. Whenever I’ve performed on stage the fear is real, it’s in my stomach, in the pit of it. But I know I have to get on that stage. I know that I’m scared but I do it anyways. So it’s a horrible feeling but it’s also a rush. Nerves, butterflies, anxiety, whatever you want to call it is supposed to be there. It tells us we’re leaping, we’re taking a chance on something new, it also can be quite real and annoying when you’re getting ready to fly somewhere. Those are the looming disaster nerves I was talking about. So what about taking classes like yoga and dance that scare me so much or going to a coffee shop to use Internet or going to auditions. Again it’s myself, it’s feeling vulnerable. It’s something new for me. We all have to be vulnerable at some point or we’ll just whither away in our safe cocoon. We’ll never do anything because of fear. Any time I’ve ever done anything new or different I’ve felt better afterwards. And if I didn’t feel good I just didn’t do it again. Simple enough right? So maybe that’s the test. Just do it, do it all. Go for dreams, go do something you’ve wanted to do but are scared to do. Do it and then decide if it’s right for you. Don’t make assumptions or decisions about it before you’ve actually lived or experienced it. So when I wake up I live and breathe today and I know it’s full of whatever I want it to be. Whatever happens comes from me. Not from other people but from me. And the looming disaster I see is a fable meant to scare the weak, meant to scare me but it won’t win. Step by step, day by day, some way or another I choose life not fear. And if the fear is there, then feel it, breathe into it, let it go to a place in your soul that can’t stop you from living. Turn off your ego, your mind, and know that you are a living breathing creature on this planet that deserves to enjoy everything. You deserve to do it all, you are worthy, you are strong. Now wake up and set your intention for the day. Make a list of everything you’ve wanted to do, everything you’ve wanted to try, every place you’ve wanted to visit. And just live and breathe it all in.
mycrazyworldexists 