Happy Birthday

So many times I write you and I delete what I say

I delete the words because what are they

What do they even mean

Can they even grasp what I feel

What we had

What does it matter anymore

Words are just words and time is just time

But if I write you will it reveal something new to me

Will it reveal a secret I never knew

Will it heal my heart

Will it heal yours

What do I say to you

It’s been 4 years and I have no idea what I would say

But I want to reach out for some reason

For some reason I want that connection again, when I shouldn’t.

I mean I really shouldn’t want that again

Maybe it’s just to check and see you’re alive, to check to see if you’re ok

But shouldn’t it be you checking in on me

Shouldn’t it be you wishing me well and hoping I’m ok

Why do I care still.

Why do I want to reach out

I write you and I delete the words.

I write you and get ready to send it but I don’t.

I write you and than nothing.

Every time I write you

And I realize it’s not enough

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